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After another allnighter of killing,
Turkey makes movie madness pit stop rental,
For some goretits and blood spilling
I tried to rent 'Don't Go In The House',
But some dipshit beat me to it,
Instead I got stuck with something called Boarding House!!!

Alone on the racks it sat stinking like slime,
Battered, worn out, and beat up
A forgotten VHS turd in time
Said it starred someone named 'KalassuAnd directed by 'John Wintergate,
I wondered and shouted out loud 'WHO???
I did not expect what I saw on my TV,
My brain began to instantly rot,
As new heights of lunacy flashed before me,
Early 80's shot-on-video pioneering trash,
Piled on the gore, filth, and boobage,
So greasy and stupid it gave me a rash

Cheesy commodore 64 opening credits,
With loud obnoxious sounds grating my ears,
And really testing my limits
Tells the tale of the cursed 'Hoffman houseA premise so flimsy and weak,
I hope a chick at least takes off her blouse

[Chorus:]
Boarding House!!!
Where the rent won't kill you,
But something else will!!!
Boarding House!!!
Along with the new residents,
Something else moved in!!!!

Camaro driving sleazeball re-opens the place,
Pathetic rat-tail sporting, weasel looking bastard,
'Tom G Warrior with AIDS' with an even uglier face
Ad in paper looking for 'beautiful women with no ties',
1980's sluts arrive firing up the Jacuzzi 'n bikinis
I really couldn't wait until everybody dies!!!

Slasher-style killings, bad dreams and pie fights,
Bad editing, fake accents, dime-store gore fx
Wow this flick really fucking bites!!!
But the more I watched, the more my sanity fled,
Sitting through this shitbucket of a flick,
Meant that people would soon be dead!!!

[Chorus: ]
Boarding House!!!
Where are you Kalassu, John Wintergate,
And the others???
Boarding House!!!
You've taken 95 minutes of my life away,
So how do I than you???