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Here's a little story about someone that you know
He was a right famous fellow by the name of Russell Crowe
I was working at a pub and he was smoking at the bar
That's a crime as you all know in California
So I sidled up the rail, right to where he stood
I said, "I'm sorry Mr. Crowe," as nicely as I could
"You'll have to put that out now, throw it on the floor
If you don't, I'll kick you out and show you to the door."
Well, he squared right up to me, somewhat in surprise
Then he narrowed up his gaze, shot me daggers with his eyes
"If you think you're man enough, go ahead," he said
I was scared for my live so I dalked him in the head
The closest I've come to ending up dead
Was the night that I punched Russell Crowe
The Gladiator, in the head
He lifted up his hands put them to his nose
Blood was running through his fingers, dripping on his clothes

His bodyguards ran up, "Get him," shouted Crowe
"Run," cried Chucky, "run and don't stop until you get to Mexico."
The closest I've come to ending up dead
Was the night that I punched Russell Crowe
The Gladiator, in the head
The closest I've come to being dead
Was the night that I punched Russell Crowe
The Gladiator, in the head
Oy oy oy
You can't hit me, I'm the Cinderella Man
I'm the Master and Commander, I'm Australian
You can't hit me, don't you know I'm dangerous
I am the outlaw Ben Wade, come on, tiger
I am Maximus
Oy oy oy...